Can he forgive me
” I don’t know what came over me or why I did it. All I know
is, I betrayed my husband, the only man who has ever loved me unconditionally
and I was caught red-handed in the act.
Our marriage is six years old and blessed with three
children. I was pregnant with our first child when we got married. Nobody in
his family or even among his friends believed that our first child was really
his. But he told them not to bother about the paternity of the child; that even
if the child wasn’t his, he was ready to accept its paternity as a result of
the love he has for me.
That statement made me change from my wayward way of life.
Before then, I was quite notorious for my indiscriminate lifestyle.
I followed any man who could pay for my services. I wasn’t
really into full time prostitution but I wasn’t any better than those who were
in it because money was the only reason I would consider any man’s request.
I met my husband through this process. I could tell from the
moment I first saw him that he was different but I told myself good looks were
worthless without money.
He captivated me when I discovered he could more than meet
my needs.
He became a regular visitor to my house and gradually edged
out all the other men with his charm and money.
Before I got pregnant he had hinted at the possibility of us
making our relationship permanent but I kept ignoring him since marriage had
never featured in my plan.
I was really upset when I discovered I was with child and
made attempts to terminate it but he prevailed on me not to. I didn’t
understand how it had happened and why.
That was how I became his wife amid protests from his family
and friends. That he didn’t mind my reputation made me very determined to be a
good wife to him. For six years, I did just that until I ran into an old friend
of mine who is now a serving senator.
One thing led to the other and we got back together.
Unfortunately, I was discovered on our first date. I don’t know how my husband
got to know but as I stepped out of the hotel room with the senator still
cuddling me, it was my husband we ran into.
He didn’t say anything. He simply left me and walked away.
I didn’t bother to run after him out of fear that it was
over.
That night, he didn’t come home. By the time he came in the
morning, I was ready and packed. I only waited so that I could tell him where I
was taking the children.
To my surprise, he refused to let me out of the house. He
told me I couldn’t leave his house or the children since he hasn’t given me
permission to.
For a month we lived like strangers; he only spoke to the
kids and completely ignored my existence. I had no choice but to go and report
myself to the one friend of his who stood by us through the years.
Surprisingly, he didn’t know about what I had done but
promised to talk to my husband after tongue lashing me and calling me a big
disappointment.
I guessed he did because my husband came back home very
angry that I told his friend. That night, he asked why I did it.
I didn’t have any excuse and I am so ashamed of myself.
Even though he has promised not to send me out of the house
and to give our marriage another chance, he has since become distant from me
and the fun has died. Although he has resumed making love to me, from his
attitude afterwards, I know he is only doing it as a duty rather than from any
pleasure.
African Satellite please tell me how to save my marriage
because for the first time in my life, I am not only in love but also
experiencing fear for the first time. He just isn’t the man I married as he
seldom smiles or discusses his business and interests with me anymore. When we
are in public or have company, he tries to make things appear normal but I know
they are far from being normal”.
My dear Grace, that he is willing to continue with the
marriage despite the evidence of your betrayal shows he really loves you.
It is pointless telling you now that you acted irresponsibly
and are ungrateful to have gone back to the past from which this man snatched
you by his marriage to you.
No matter what might have prompted it, you should have
considered the moral risk as well as the humiliation he must have suffered
among his circle of friends and relations when he stood by you.
The fact that he got wind of your movements shows that
people were simply waiting for you to make the move to mock your husband’s
decision to marry you.
Sincerely, he has done what most men would never do. Not
only did he willingly claim
the shame of your past but shielded you afterwards despite
finding out how you betrayed him from his family and friends.
You owe this man a lot, more than a lifetime of gratitude.
Giving what he saw, it isn’t going to be so easy to make him
forget. Don’t ignore the fact that in going out with your former lover, you
indirectly passed a vote of no confidence on him and your marriage.
Not only did you, through the act signify the meaningless of
your six years together, but also a readiness to resume your way of life. This
might not be a true assessment of your feelings for this man and marriage but
your conduct gives it this interpretation.
If you have never believed in God, this is the time for you
to move close to Him because He is the only one that has the ability to reach
your husband in that place he is hurting the most.
Doubtless, you have not only betrayed him but inflicted cruel
pain on him. Whatever dreams he had of both of you crashed that day he saw you
with another man. You also crushed his pride as a man and called his judgment
and feelings for you to question.
All these would take time to build again. When he made the
decision to marry you, he had no illusions about the challenge ahead of him
hence his willingness to ignore the opinion of his family members and friends
then. But now, having lived, invested himself, trust and emotions into building
a family with you, discovering you haven’t changed much from the woman he first
met would no doubt affect the way he feels about you and the marriage.
Time would take away his pain. Give him the chance to heal
naturally, not rush him to accept your own timetable.
If you rush him into accepting your apologies, he would not
heal naturally and that in the long run would be too much of a burden on him to
carry. Don’t forget you have hurt him deeply, the most brutal way in which a
woman could ever hurt a man. Given his disposition, he would definitely heal
but he needs your help in the area of showing him how sorry you are and how
much you want to win back his trust.
Learn to be patient, understanding, supportive and loving.
On his part, he would need all these assurances to know he has something worth
living for in you and the marriage.
Sincerely, he doesn’t know if he has anything left, probably
one of the reasons he didn’t want you to go. It is up to you to demonstrate
that he has more than enough to live for.
Begin by wooing him back into your life unconditionally.
Send the children on a
weekend at the house of his friend to enable you both have
private time together.
Continue saying sorry in all the ways possible until time
and God allow him the
clear mindedness to say and mean it.
Perseverance gives bitter-leaf its sweetness at the end of
the day.
God will grant it to you to be able to win back the love of
this man.
My readers will have what to say to you.
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